I have a couple photos of the fused glass plate my mom helped me make. Here it is, still in the kiln fusing. The colors are a little off because of the heat. We opened the kiln to flash vent it, which cools it without giving it time to vitrify, i.e. form a crystal lattice.

plate in kiln, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

After that we slumped it, which is to say reheated it in a curved mold so that it's a sort of dish. You can see the shape here:

dish, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

And if you want to see pictures of my cats, you can ( click here )

I am still a little bit bowled over, and there are things I have been thinking that I forgot to say yesterday.

Firstly, I was floored that Ben actually got some friends and family to be there when he proposed, because one of the silly things I'd told him was that it would be cool to be proposed to in front of friends or parents or something, but I didn't expect him to really do that. And it happening in New Mexico was perfect. Every time I come back here I have mixed feelings; on the one hand, I grew up here, and I miss lots of things about it, but on the other hand, I don't want to move back, to the town or the state, and it grates on me after awhile. I didn't want to get married here, if we did get married. And the reason is that New Mexico feels like the past, and a wedding is about the future. But on the other hand, I have deep roots here. Having our engagement happen here gives me enough connection to here, though, that I feel totally fine getting married somewhere else.

At Starbucks afterwards, either Jeanine or Ben came up with the idea of getting married in Mammoth Lakes, where Ben's dad has a big house. That really appeals to me, because it has beautiful mountains and scenery, but is in California and is convenient for lots of people. And though Ben's family doesn't live there any more, they moved away pretty recently and have connections, so it wouldn't be so horrible planning everything from afar. I know it is easiest to have your wedding in the same place you are planning things from, but Philadelphia and the East Coast don't mean a lot to me, and I'd rather not do it there.

Because Ben told my parents and some of my closest friends before he told me that he wanted to get married, I have had somewhat fewer people to call about it. But I had to tell my bridesmaids (yes, I kind of already knew who it would be) and my dad has been calling relatives all day, both to wish them a Merry Christmas and to tell them about it. I will get to see all my relatives! At the same time! That's exciting; my family is terrible about keeping in touch. And I will have another round of telling people when I visit Berkeley in January and go up to LBL, which will be fun. And again when I get back to Philadelphia. I'm not sure whether or not to announce it to my WoW guild, ha. Maybe.

It makes me really happy that this happened right before Christmas. I am just overflowing with joy this year. We cooked a big dinner with my dad today, with a pork roast, Moroccan sweet potatoes, stuffing, jalapeno corn chowder, salad, biscuits, and apricot cream. And we drove out to my mom's street to look at the farolitos, under a nearly full moon.

Life is amazing! I love you all!

ring, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

Ben asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

( Read more... )

sunset, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

I don't want to move back to New Mexico, but I do miss living in the mountains. I like the clean air, the altitude, the lack of light pollution, the stars... my god, the stars. I wouldn't mind moving to comparable mountains. I love how it is not flat here.

"Most plants just want to kill you."

This is something my dad said after I asked him about parabens and methicones (he was trained as a biochemist), and he was complaining how people think that because something is natural, it is safer than the synthetic alternative.

I was sick while travelling yesterday, and we almost missed our connection, but Jeanine and Andrew were on our flight here from Chicago, so we chatted and carpooled back up. Today I saw my old calculus teacher, and went to the Bradbury Science Museum so that Ben could see it (so jingoistic! so full of posters from conferences!). The tacos at El Parasol are not as good as I remembered, but perhaps the altitude will cure my ailing health, har har. I miss living in the mountains.

The snowstorm here is bigger than it initially appeared, because it's moving east very slowly and thus it hasn't stopped snowing for two days. All the Southwest flights out of Albuquerque today were cancelled, and my flight tomorrow morning almost certainly will be too. Even if it weren't, the major freeways in the north and east parts of the state have been closed. I couldn't get to Albuquerque even if I wanted to. I guess I prefer being stuck with my mom and Kevin, shovelling snow and cooking and watching Stargate, to if I had been stuck in Kansas City when I flew in. The snow is starting to lighten up now, but there's still a winter storm warning until 5 AM tomorrow. According to the news, this storm has broken previous records for most snow in a day, most snow from a single storm, that sort of thing, which were set by a big storm in 1959. It's cool that I get to be here when there is so much snow! I just wish I weren't supposed to be travelling tomorrow. Joao and Gersende are throwing a big New Year's party and I am totally not going to be there. Oh well.

I have tickets for an America West flight on New Year's day, and by then it should have been sunny a little, and maybe the roads will be clear. I think I'll still make it out to Berkeley. And if it's sunny tomorrow, maybe I will have snow photos (it was gray today, and still coming down). The snow itself is amazing; from shoveling the few feet off our driveway, we developed these huge drifts in the gardens around the driveway and front walkway. It is quite wintry, and makes good staying inside and not driving weather, for sure.

cats, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

Apparently arriving in the middle of a big snowstorm wasn't enough, now I'll be trying to leave during it. But all the snow makes me very happy.

I've been hanging out at my mom's house a lot, which is very relaxing and fun. We made cocoa foie gras ravioli the other day, using the pasta maker and ravioli attachment for her Kitchenaid mixer. The ravioli is super-tasty, and then she gave me an identical mixer and pasta attachment for Christmas, so fresh pasta is imminent once I get back to Philly. Yesterday I went to Santa Fe with my dad and we hung out, did some shopping because that was my Christmas present from him. The most valuable things that I got were firstly, a pair of jeans, because I hate pants shopping almost as much as I hate shoe shopping, but I do need more jeans. And secondly, we talked a lot about family and his experiences with marriage, and it was really pretty cool... I learned some things I hadn't known before.

Today, after we got over a foot of fresh snow on the ski hill last night, I tried to go skiing. The snow was really wet and heavy, but thick and great, but you know... I could tell after half a run that my knee wasn't up to it. It was twinging a little and it felt really weak, every time my right leg was downhill. And parallel didn't even feel stable, I was snowplowing and going really slowly. I felt so much like I was going to fall, even though I was skiing slowly and retardedly, so I took another run to get back to the car and then hitched a ride home with Andrew and his family. It basically sucked; I guess the moral of the story is that my knee is not strong enough for skiing, especially in difficult weather conditions. But I knew so much that I did not want to fall and start over with crutches, so you know, maybe next year.

Hey, sirista, chickyboo, innamoramento, are you guys in Albuquerque? Are you busy tomorrow night? I have a really early flight out of ABQ Sunday morning, so I will probably spend the night tomorrow in Albuquerque. It would be the perfect evening to get together!

icicle cave, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

I went with Jeanine and Andrew and Ken to the Jemez Falls today, up past the East Fork trail in the mountains. The surface was frozen but we could still hear the water underneath the ice, so we climbed down to the base to get a better look. It turns out there is a cave on one side, under a weeping rock, which is really cool when it's frozen. The trail, while short, is probably much nicer in the summer because it was quite icy and hard to gauge how likely it was that you would slip. On the other hand, it was really worth seeing like this.

Steph and Scott already left and Jeanine has probably started her drive out to California with her family. I'm leaving the evening of the 30th, which is Saturday I guess. I hope to have more fun before then with my remaining friends, especially those I haven't seen yet. And maybe, if the upcoming snowstorm delivers, I can ski... though there was supposed to be a big snow this last Saturday and it totally didn't pan out.

friends in ice, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

The last few days have been really, really good. I went to a big get-together with a lot of food on Saturday night, and saw people I haven't seen in ages (Jeanine, Andrew, Steph, Scott, Sam, Caroline, Ken, Mike, Brian, Ashley). Yesterday I went sledding and had a blast, and then cooked massaman curry and played Trivial Pursuit with my dad, and gave him the best present I've ever thought of, which made him (and me) really happy. I came over to my mom's today and had delicious food, and also managed to give her and Kevin nice presents, which I'm really proud of. I've finally managed to come home without being overwhelmed, stressed, weirded out, or unhappy. It's really great.

It's times like this I can't help but feel incredibly lucky. I try to appreciate what I have, though... I'll talk more about how this year in particular ties in to that later. For now, Merry Christmas, friends.

mountains, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

When I'm in Philadelphia, one thing I really miss is mountains. Berkeley was fine because it had hills and the bay and geographical features, so I didn't feel like I'd moved to someplace devoid of landscape. Philadelphia has the cityscape, and the river... but I do miss mountains. I'm hoping to go skiing tomorrow, and maybe make Thai food. Maybe it'll snow again and I can go sledding. :)

Snow! Lots of snow! Hooray!

My flight home last night almost continued on to Phoenix without stopping in Albuquerque, because of the ice and then the fog, but we did manage to land eventually. Then I got to drive slowly back on icy roads with my dad, but the weather cleared up some while we were driving. This morning it continues to snow, big fat dense flakes.

The last few years I was living here, New Mexico was in the grip of a very bad drought, so the winters were cold but dry, and the skiing in town was pathetic. But it's improved since then, and recent yeras have had pretty good snows, although whenever I visit there seems to be little snow. So it is indescribably nice to come home to snow; it reminds me of being very young and enchanted with everything. :)

Today I saw Steph get married! Along with Jeanine, this means my two closest high school friends are married now.

The wedding was up at Camp May, in the blazing June heat but also outside in the mountains, under aspen and ponderosas, and was very beautiful. The ceremony was blissfully short, although the pastor (a family friend of Scott's) was subtly sexist in the way that older people are sometimes, probably without even realizing it. But in the ceremony he mentioned that Scott would take vows first, since he's the head of the household, and talked of Steph's ring as a symbol of her subjection to Scott. Argh. Scott isn't like that, though, thank god. But even with that, the ceremony was nice. We all went to Fuller Lodge afterwards and ate tasty New Mexican food, and it was really great seeing all sorts of people. Steph and Scott seemed kind of stressed, but I'm sure they're really happy now and on their way to a Hawai'i honeymoon.

The whole thing was really beautiful and fun, and I'm really happy to see some of my friends happily married (and others happily involved, even). It's always very touching to see everything work out in the end.

I'm in Los Angeles now, visiting Ben. He's working a lot of the time, though, because the SIGGRAPH deadline is soon. And it's really warm here, which is a big change from New Mexico. The last few days I was in Los Alamos, I mostly socialized with friends and family. I went to Gabriel's with my dad and Kay, rode in Kay's awesome new car, watched moies with my dad, went out to breakfast with Jeanine, Andrew, and Sam, took my old calculus teacher out to breakfast with Steph and Jeanine, had an eye appointment, met Jen and Tamie for lunch, things like that. The last few days I'm in town on a longer trip are always kind of stressful, because I feel wistful about leaving and like I didn't quite get in everyone I wanted to see. It's always like that, though.

I think that my favorite place in New Mexico is one I went to on a hike with my dad this trip. My mom's house is on Los Pueblos, and if you go all the way down to the end of the road, you can keep walking to what we called "the end of the mesa" when I was a kid. It's not really the end, because the mesa goes on a couple miles after that, sort of twisting and turning. It's one of the longer mesas in town, really. If you look to the north when you're on Main Hill road, you're looking at Otowi Mesa, which is Los Pueblos. Hiking out on it alternates between walking along the flat mesa top and climbing large rocks when the mesa gets taller or shorter or twists. The views are wonderful, both of the ski hill and townsite, and of the valley and the Sangre de Cristos. It's the fundamental New Mexico place for me, I think, and the best physical representation of what New Mexico means; lonely, beautiful, familiar.

It will be a while before I go back. Tomorrow I'm driving to San Diego to see Chih, and the rest of the week here I'll squeeze in what time with Ben I can.

One of my favorite things about being home is seeing so many people. I went hiking down Otowi Mesa with my dad today, lots of mild rock-climbing in that typical New Mexico way, and had a great time. Although it seems like my camera is eating batteries like no one's business, which can't be good. Then I saw Jeanine and Andrew for a bit and saw pictures of their place in Indiana, the lab at Purdue where Andrew works, and some photos from their honeymoon in Colorado that were really pretty. And then there was a potluck at Steph's, with Steph, Scott, Ken, Sam, Sara and I. It was really cool to see Sara because she's Sam's little sister, and so I like her and am concerned for her well-being, but almost never see her, and never in a social situation. And she's cool and seems to be doing well, so that's good. I also gave Sam his present, which he really liked, and I have to say, I totally lucked out on giving people presents this year. I feel like I was able to get lots of people really good ones, mostly by chance, and that's really cool.

Oh yeah, and I finished Life of Pi and loved it, so you should all read that. The writing style and story are great, and it has one of the best endings I've read in a long time.

Tomorrow I have a breakfast with Jeanine, Andrew, and Sam, and then a fabulous eye appointment in which my pupils will most certainly be dilated, and then lunch with Tamie and Jen. And probably some time with my dad and maybe some movies. Oh yeah, we had Kay over for dinner last night and made chicken cacciatore and watched March of the Penguins, and then she went home and we watched episode III. You know, it's pretty good when you have low expectations.

In conclusion, other people are great.

I'm back in Los Alamos, where I'll be until January 7th. I spent a couple days in Los Angeles with Ben and a couple days up with his family in Ojai.

I'm dead tired right now, having gotten my habitual first night of terrible sleeping at altitude, but hopefully tomorrow I will be more cheerful. It's great seeing my dad again, and I've already spotted Steph and Sam. I'm cooking and having a good time, and as soon as my legs recover I can start swimming or something (I went to a spinning class and an exercise ball class in Ojai with Nancy and while it was fun, it just about killed my quads).

If you're in town, ring me up!

There are a lot of things I love about New Mexico, but this is what I mean when I say it's on the wrong end of every list.

original article

( D.W.I.'s Vex New Mexico, Once Seen as a Model )

The contract will definitely announced by December 1, possibly sooner. Scanning Google for headlines, I see things like, "Anxiety grips Los Alamos as decision on lab draws near", "Pending lab contract announcement the talk of Los Alamos", and "Zero hour for Los Alamos". It's basically a runoff between the Lockheed-UT team and the Bechtel-UC team.

When all of this stuff first came up and people discussed it, I felt like a pretty good independent observer. I still think that, objectively, it's better for both UC and the lab if UC remains the managing contractor. UC gets lots of science ties, academic and intellectual credit, and political swing. The lab keeps its rocking pension system, in-state UC tuition for its kids, and fairly hands-off management.

But objectively, I'm also becoming less and less sure how DoE should be responding to the layers of red tape and inefficiency that blanket the lab, as well as all of the mishandlings. There's no doubt that the media has really bullied the lab, mainly because people are afraid of nuclear anything. And while I don't think that should have been taken to the level it was, I don't know how I would behave were I in DoE trying to fix this whole mess. It seems inevitable that Lockheed will win, because think of the uproar if after all that bad press and the expensive RFP/bidding process, the status quo were maintained?

And so I try not to look for headlines on it, because I know it'll just depress me. To empathize, non-Los Alamites, imagine that many people you care about--your friends' parents, your favorite high school teachers' spouses, your piano instructor, nearly everyone who meant something to you growing up--is about to lose half their retirement savings in some sort of freak IRS audit. And on top of that, there's the decreased job security, the large numbers of invaluable old-timers who left because they were fed up, and the increasing amounts of time wasted on useless security audits, endless red tape, and safety training that does not make any sort of fundamental difference.

Argh. It doesn't matter that I don't live there anymore, because my emotional investment could only be lessened by razing the whole place.

btw, I need these t-shirts.

thanks to 14cyclenotes...


and special thanks to juhi...


EDIT: I've shown the first shirt to some people, and none of them recognized it as being from Star Wars. Come ON, people!

Nambe lake, originally uploaded by clevermynnie.

So, I have some photos from New Mexico that I wanted to show you guys. ( Read more... )

So, Friday night after work, Ben and I drove out to Mammoth. We got in around 3 in the morning and went in the backdoor of Douglas and Nancy's house, which they are no longer living in but have not sold. We got up at 9 to drive up to Bridgeport, about an hour away, to see Mika and Tosha, who are working at the Hunewill Ranch for the summer. They're both doing great; Tosh has fallen head over heels for this guy Connor that she met there, which is fantastic, and the twins are going to Australia in November and December, which sounds fun. We went swimming in one of the Twin Lakes during a building thunderstorm, which was beautiful, fun, and freezing cold. After we saw them, Ben and I had dinner and watched the Blues Brothers, and his family arrived around ten at night.

On Sunday, we all hung out, and Ben and I went on a short hike near Mammoth Rock. I played with Sarah, Ben's little sister, a lot, which was really fun. Ben's dad made some comment about how he was glad I was practicing my parenting skills for his grandchildren, and I said I was just getting my parenting out now, so that later I could buy a cat. :P Don't worry, I said, you can still spoil the cat with presents and take it out for ice cream.

Monday was going to be a hike day, but it rained, so it was a snuggle on the couch and read day, and also a making food day. It was the first time I'd made risotto, and at high altitude it takes much longer than you want, but it was very tasty in the end. After dinner we drove back to Berkeley, and when I say we I mean Ben, because I was wiped from four hours of sleep. Ben was very nice to me. We got back around 12:15, and I spent until 1 packing for the trip back here. We got up at 6 and drove to the airport, and I got back to Los Alamos around 4 Tuesday.

Being back in Los Alamos is starting to feel less awkward and conflicted and is this my home anymore, and more just like visiting a cool place with people I love. So I hung out with my dad a lot yesterday, saw Steph, Scott, and Sam. Then today my dad and I did the waterfall hike at Bandelier, and I swam in the Rio Grande and bought Joao a birthday present. I had a wonderful time talking to Sam at Starbucks for a long while, and then he and I and Steph and Scott went to China Palace and had toffee Klondike bars at Ashley Pond. (What would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you... kill a man?)

I'm leaving for the east coast tomorrow, and then I'll be here a little bit more. I want desperately to know my quantum grade, but it is unposted.